How to Successfully Say “No” at Work
Steve Jobs once famously said, “Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do." While this is true, it is also much easier said than done, especially in the workplace.
The fact of the matter is that learning how and when to say “no” in the workplace is vital to maintaining productivity, work-life blend, and even self-respect. As Brené Brown states in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, “When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.”
Learning to say “no” in the workplace is a significant but often-overlooked boundary to establish. For leaders, it is especially vital to learn how to say no, as team members look to you to practice and exemplify your desired performance.
Why Is It So Hard to Say No?
Most of us were raised to find it impolite to say "no," to avoid conflict at all costs, and to seek connection with others. Saying "no" flies in the face of all those things, making it difficult for many people to say no in the workplace. In this way, many of us become people-pleasers to some degree.
Also, many of today’s workplaces strive for a de facto spirit of "yes," meaning that cooperation is the rule of the day. While this is helpful, it makes it difficult for others to say "no" because it can be inferred as a refusal of cooperation. Even worse, saying no puts our relationships and likability at risk.
It can be even more confusing for women leaders, as a growing body of research suggests that women must be successful to be liked but are not liked when they are successful.
So what’s a leader to do?
How to Say “No” at Work
Although it can be tricky to master, it is possible to say no at work without upsetting delicate workplace relationships or hurting productivity. Here are some critical Do’s and Don’ts of saying “no” at work.
DO:
Remember that saying “no” to one thing is saying “yes” to another. Your time and attention are your most finite and precious currencies. By saying “no” to one thing, you are saying “yes” to focusing your time and attention on higher priority concerns, such as your health, work-life balance, or seeing a project through to completion before taking on additional responsibilities.
Propose compromise when possible – instead of giving a flat-out "no," suggest something that works better for you. For example, let the other person know when you may have time to help.
Acknowledge the other person – thank the person for thinking of you and let them know that you understand the pressure they are under. It may not immediately resolve their disappointment, but it will go a long way towards preserving your relationship with them.
Try to strike a neutral tone. Because tone is so subjective, it can be challenging to strike a tone that is both firm while also remaining friendly. Mixed messages are hard on your reputation and your relationship with your team. If your "no" sounds ambivalent or your body language implies that you'll cave under a little more persistence, your "no" may fall on deaf ears. Be too assertive, and you may come off as hostile, or, worse, at least for women, "difficult."
DON’T:
Take very long to respond – others may not want to hear your "no," but they want your silence even less. Even when it is acceptable to wait a few days before answering, let the other person know as soon as possible if you will not be able to say yes.
Apologize for your answer– chances are very good that you already tend to apologize for things that aren’t your fault; being overly apologetic when you are merely protecting your time and attention can make others see you as submissive or weak-willed.
Offer too much detail for your answer – going into too much detail may imply to others that you just need a little convincing.
Compare yourself to others – enforcing your boundaries may lead to guilt when someone else on the team seems to be a multitasking expert.
Healthy boundaries are vital for your well-being at home and in the workplace. While saying "no" at work is difficult, it is often necessary. It takes practice and helpful guidance, which is what Leadership Delta does best. Contact us to begin seeing “no” as a complete sentence!